While
growing up, we are all taught about how others believe the mind works and how
we are supposed to cope with emotions. Sometimes the rules are stated
explicitly (“Don’t be afraid” or “Stop crying!” communicates that it is
expected that you should not feel afraid or cry.). Sometimes the rules are
communicated less directly (People might avoid you when you are crying or may
laugh at you if you are afraid. These less direct ways of communication still
let you know that it’s not okay to cry or be afraid.) We are taught that we
should be able to control our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
In
American culture, public expression of many if not most emotions are negatively
judged by others. This to a great degree reflects the influence of many
immigrants from northern Europe, such as Great Britain (“the stiff upper lip”),
Germany, and Scandinavia, where emotional expression is very reserved. Public
expression of sadness or fear (or any strong, unpleasant emotion) is often to
be considered a sign of weakness and/or mental instability. Public disapproval
of emotional display may be direct (e.g., criticism) or indirect (e.g.,
shunning). However, in other cultures (e.g., southern European cultures) open
expression of emotion is viewed as much more socially acceptable, if not
celebrated.
However,
in actuality many of our thoughts, particularly the automatic thoughts, are
generated by a part of our brain over which we have no conscious control. All
of our emotions are generated by a part of our brain over which we have no
conscious control. The seat of emotions is centered in a part of the brain
called the amygdala. However, the source of emotion is likely a lot more
complicated and centered throughout perhaps many parts of the brain.
Also,
another important “rule” of the brain is that the more a person tries to not
feel a feeling or think a thought, the more the brain produces that feeling or
thought. Have you ever tried to forget something? If you try to forget a word
or an idea, the harder you try, actually the better you remember the word or
idea. And the same with emotion. The harder you try not to feel an emotion, the
more the brain pushes back and produces more of the emotion.
The
primary purpose of the brain is to promote survival. Likewise, emotions and
thoughts exist for the primary purpose of promoting survival. Emotions are
often seen as something mystical or even almost magical and hard to understand.
Really what emotions are, is pretty straightforward--a means of nonverbal
communication. They tell us something about what our brain sees and the
relationship the brain perceives between itself and someone or something in the
environment. Each emotion communicates a different message that could be useful
for survival. The two most basic emotions are closely tied to the most basic
survival mechanism—the fight or flight instinct (which is noted further below).
Emotions
are a natural product of the brain and the survival mechanisms that exist—not
only in humans, but in fact in just about all living creatures. As we have
discovered most animals experience emotion and there is even evidence that
animals experience empathy—the ability to perceive and feel what other animals
feel. Emotions are a part of being alive.
However,
most of us were raised to believe that some emotions were “good.” These “good”
emotions (e.g., happiness, love, joy, surprise) are almost always pleasant
ones, which individuals are encouraged to pursue. Other emotions are labeled “bad”.
These “bad” emotions (e.g., anger, fear, sadness) are almost always unpleasant
ones, which individuals are encouraged to avoid or minimize.
However, it’s most helpful to view emotions as
neither good or bad. Emotions are just what they are. Learning to accept
emotions without a moral judgment helps one deal more effectively with them. Not
judging emotions as morally good or bad also helps one refrain from not trying
to avoid the emotions. As noted previously, when we try to avoid or control the
emotions, the brain tends to generate more of that emotion and at a high
intensity.
So
what messages do emotions communicate? Below is a table of some of the most
commonly troublesome and unpleasant emotions with which people struggle. (Pleasant
emotions also convey messages, but are typically not the focus or cause of
problems.)
|
Emotion
|
The
brain sends the message that:
|
|
Anger
|
Something
is perceived as a threat or a danger to physical well-being and that the
person needs to prepare to fight for survival.
|
|
Fear
|
Something
is perceived as a threat or a danger to physical well-being and that the
person needs to prepare to flee for survival.
|
|
Sadness
|
Something
or something important for survival has been or will be lost.
|
|
Guilt
|
The
person has done something wrong (or thinking about doing something that is
wrong) and that punishment is a likely consequence for the transgression.
|
|
Shame
|
The
person has done something wrong (or thinking about doing something that is
wrong) and that punishment (i.e. disapproval by others) is a likely
consequence for the transgression.
|
|
Jealousy
|
An
important relationship is in jeopardy of being lost (affection lost to
another).
|
|
Frustration
|
Something
needed for survival is not being received or available.
|
|
Loneliness
|
There
is a lack of meaningful connection to others.
|
|
Anxiety
|
There
is a vague or ambiguous (unspecified) sense of danger or threat.
|
|
Disgust
|
The
person is facing something that poses a threat to health (e.g., infection or
contamination).
|
|
Envy
|
Someone
else has a possession or material goods that one desires or needs for
survival.
|
|
Alienation
|
There
is a lack of compatibility to others who are around (i.e., the person does
not fit in with a particular or any available social group).
|
